Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So here I am, sexting at work.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
