he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize