I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
