I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
