Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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