is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize