On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
