i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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