Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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