Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
