He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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