it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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