Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
