The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
