1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
