He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
