does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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