Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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