I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
