He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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