I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
