I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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