He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
