I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Randomize
