I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
