fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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