I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
