so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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