I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
