I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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