He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
