I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
