I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
