i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
