Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
