How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
