I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize