Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
even my farts smell like vagina
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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