I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
