$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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