I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
