Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
