you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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