This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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