i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize