I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
