i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
