can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
