i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
