im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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