Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
