her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize