an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize