Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
