We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
