You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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