My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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