Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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