I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
