Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
