Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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