so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
