last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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