I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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