I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
