oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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