Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
