I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
