so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize