I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
