perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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