With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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