WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
