I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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