im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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