I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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