oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
