Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
