Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
