how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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