if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
