I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
