There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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