Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
