if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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