College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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