i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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