Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
