Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
